Bangkok Expat Mama

A Nose Is a Rose Is a...Rose Apple?

Apropos of nothing today, really -- but quite interesting all the same -- is this nugget from page 1 of the 30 January, 2008, edition of The Bangkok Post. I clipped it for the metaphorical rainy day when somehow, eventually, I might begin blogging again. Without further ado, here 'tis:

(The following excerpts are to do with the sign language Thailand's hearing-impaired citizens have devised for alluding to new Thai Prime Minister Samak and his fellow pols.)

WHEN A NAME'S ALL IN THE NOSE
By Anchalee Kongrut and Penchan Charoensuthipan

"...a report that some [People Power Party, Samak's party] executives were irritated by the nose-pointing by translators during the live broadcast of the parliamentary session on Channel 11 when they referred to Mr Samak, who has a big, rose apple-shaped nose. Well, at least that's one description of it."

(This is running on page 1, folks. Page 1. Like, where news about wars and the economy usually runs. --Ed.)

..."When referring to Abhisit Vejjajiva, they move their hands around their faces and raise their thumbs...moving the hands around the face means 'good-looking' -- which some, though not all, believe is Mr Abhisit's most memorable feature."

(Well, he is quite a handsome chap. --Ed.)

"...interpreters put their hands at shoulder-level to refer to Chart Thai [political party] leader [and former primer minister] Banharn Silpa-archa, considered by many to be rather lacking in stature."

(...and considered by others, such as Pygmies, to be rather enormous. --Ed.)

For more free comedy, readers could have turned to the back page of that day's news section, where some choice lines languished in an economy story:

NO QUICK FIX FOR THAILAND
By Surasak Tumcharoen

"...many of the new Thai legislators seem unaware of the threat of a recession in the United States. Some MPs said they have been barely able to keep abreast of world events of the last few weeks as they have had little time to watch television or read newspapers."

(! --Ed.)

"Others were too exhausted by the Dec 23 general election, or too preoccupied with moves to set up a post-election government."

(Aw, diddums! --Ed.)

"Nevertheless, those about to form the new government generally agree it is time Thailand launched a new and more aggressive tourism campaign."

(That's exactly what the country needs, because tourism fixes everything. --Ed.)

"The government should look to increase the tourism industry's earnings to make up for the loss of foreign investment capital...[MP Suradej Yasavat] recommended that all tourist destinations be quickly restored and promoted...The kingdom launched the Amazing Thai campaign nearly a decade ago to boost tourism earnings and make up for the decline in exports and foreign investment."

(Since it worked so well the first time round, thereby eliminating any future need to make up for "loss of foreign investment capital" -- hang on, that's what we're trying to do now. Running in circles, maybe? --Ed.)

U.S. Healthcare Crisis

Yesterday I met an American woman whose family moved here last year because they couldn't afford the care her daughter needs to fight cancer. The moppet, who keeps her bald pate warm amidst Bangkok's ubiquitous air-conditioning by wearing a fetching bandana, frolicked nearby as her mum shared their story.

I was as appalled by their situation as I was impressed by their resourcefulness. How lucky they are that this lady's husband works in an industry such that he could move overseas if need be.

And yet, how sick -- how utterly sick, no pun intended -- that the U.S. healthcare system and insurance companies have reached a point that some Americans have no alternative but to seek treatment abroad to avoid the poorhouse. Not for elective or aesthetic treatment, mind you, but for necessary, life-saving treatment.

Thailand was a great choice for this little girl, by the way. The state-run hospitals might not be that great, I don't know. But the private hospitals, at least in Bangkok, provide services that would equal or surpass those available in the West, at a fraction of the cost.

What happens to all the ill U.S. Americans (as opposed to the other North Americans, the Canucks, who have a national health system) who have no way to get out and move to another country for affordable healthcare? It may be the home of the free (less so since the Patriot Act, etc) and land of the brave (excluding the Bush administration's most ardent civilian hawks, who all found ways to avoid the draft), but the United States is becoming, health-wise, the trap of the untended. It's a scandal.

Buns and Blogs

Behold, the image that spurred me to re-launch my hitherto untended blog. "Ham Cheese Chocolate Buns"! Yes, gentle reader, you read that right. Let's imagine how such an, erm, innovative creation evolved in the Tops supermarket bakery:

"Let's put in some ham. And cheese, too; those flavours go quite nicely together. So far, so good...but hang on, what else could we add to make this combination undeniably moreish? Oh, yes, of course! How could we not have thought of it earlier? Chocolate. Yes! That's it. A generous lashing of chocolate. What a winning trio of taste and texture! These buns will sell like hotcakes." (Hotcakes made with marzipan and anchovy paste, perhaps. -- Ed.)

Unfortunately the photo isn't very clear, but I'm lucky to have managed any shot at all, considering that a bakery staffer hustled over as soon as he saw me aim the camera. "No photos! Mai dai! Mai dai!" he exclaimed anxiously. The flash popped just as those words sputtered out of his mouth, but to respect his (or rather, Tops' corporate) wishes so that his supervisor wouldn't hear later that he let a crazy khon farang lady railroad him over snapping his lovely buns, and because I'd hate to get banned from my most convenient neighbourhood food source, I lowered the camera and took no other shots.

In Bangkok, traffic is bad enough and even Ham Cheese Chocolate Buns are not novel enough to risk banishment from the one supermarket within reasonable walking distance from my flat. There are, after all, limits to my quest for truth, justice, and the recording of Big Mango absurdity.

You may wonder, where on earth has BEM been, lo, these past 16 months? Where to start...where to start...well, I'll show you one big reason rather than tell you:

I've seen loads of blogs by women who parent, work, cook, bake, write books, take hikes, campaign against fur, run marathons, invent fantastic gadgets, knit, scrapbook, stay current with personal correspondence, and so on. Regrettably, that is so not me. Anyone who has crossed my path during any of my peripatetic life's many iterations, knows that I tend toward the slovenly. I cannot multi-task. I am a slacker. I mean well but usually forget to do nearly everything I sincerely intend to do unless it is vitally important to the immediate, urgent requirements of running my own little (messy, unorganised) home.

So when 2007 turned out to be a mad year, several things had to give, and one of them was the blog.

There's been no shortage of blog fodder, however. Funny and frustrating things about life here, our extended time in London, pregnancy, life since Boy #3 arrived, anger and despair over how the Bush administration continues to ruin and end lives in its war of choice, has dragged the U.S. into recession and built up an enormous deficit, plays the dunce about climate change (to humankind's peril), and further erodes the U.S.'s standing in the world...I could go on but I'd prefer not to end my return on a depressing note.

Hence...OBAMA '08!