Remembering Wilder Gomez & Jon Grabowski

The website 2996 commemorates the victims of 9/11 by randomly assigning their names to bloggers who volunteer to write a memorial to the person on their blog. When I signed up, 2996 sent me the name Wilder Gomez, his age (38), and where he died (in the World Trade Center).

A Google search revealed some poignant details about this man who died too young. One site features a photo of the mustachioed Wilder Alfredo Gomez grinning at the camera, seated in a relaxed pose -- a very handsome man. Having emigrated to the United States from Colombia in 1992, Mr. Gomez was employed at the WTC's Windows on the World restaurant at the time of the disaster. He tended bar and waited tables; after seeing his photo, I can easily imagine the dashing figure he must have cut behind the bar, whipping up cocktails and bantering with colleagues.

His aunt, Rosario Piedrahita, described Mr. Gomez as "a hard worker, a good father...He loved to dance and play soccer." She also noted that usually he started his shift in the afternoons, but on that horrible day, he'd been filling in for a friend since early morning. Set to become a U.S. citizen in January 2002, Mr. Gomez also kept loyal ties to and financially supported family members still in Cali, Colombia: his father, three brothers, one son, and two daughters (from an earlier relationship).

Family and close friends affectionately called Mr. Gomez "Chino". His wife, Tatiana, a Staten Island, N.Y., paralegal, left this heartfelt message at one memorial website: "She [their daughter, Stephanie] is so much like him and I see she misses him so much. This was not fair, my daughter lost her dad...I lost a good friend, and though we were separated, because we never divorced, I lost my husband. Part of my life was shared with him and I loved him so very much. I have a lot to thank him for. He was a wonderful dad and great friend. I love him for the father he was and the person he was...I thank God for him though a short stay I couldn't ask for a better person to have been my husband and Steph's father! I miss him. Stephanie, our daughter 7, misses him and life will never be the same without him. R.I.P Chino..."

I hope Tatiana, Stephanie, and everyone else -- in the States and Colombia -- who loved "Chino" are getting through their pain day by day. Five years have passed, so maybe living with the pain of losing "Chino" is getting somewhat easier, but how can people like me -- not directly affected -- ever be able even to guess what his survivors are going through? Wilder Gomez, you were brave to start a new life in the U.S. just a little less than a decade before that life ended in a horrible tragedy beyond your control. It sounds like you made the most of those nine years while you could, found love, took care of your family, worked hard, made a lot of people happy. As Tatiana wrote, rest in peace. Vaya con Dios.

For Jon Grabowski:

Erika Lutzner and I started working together in 1992, as copy aides at the Washington Post. At that time, I was slouching my way toward breaking up with a perpetually critical boyfriend who harboured major self-doubt issues that he projected onto me. Erika, meanwhile, was living with her long-time boyfriend from the University of Maryland, a tall blond guy named Jon. He was one of those affable, naturally beautiful people who have no idea how attractive they are. He was frighteningly smart. And he adored Erika. Oh, how jealous I sometimes felt of their comfortable love, but they were so cute together that hanging out with Erika and Jon was heart-warming rather than irritating.

Fortunately for me, they let me hang out with them a great deal. After moving past the brooding boyfriend, I somehow quite quickly fell in love with the person who is now my husband. But alas, he traveled a lot for work, so weekends frequently yawned before me without default companionship to explore the city. Erika was such a stalwart friend that even though we toiled together all week, she would always check if I'd be on my own the coming weekend. If so, she'd invite me along to see movies, go on picnics, roam the suburbs for cool consignment shops, and so on. That's why I got to know Jon more than I've ever known most of my girlfriends' partners. They also introduced me to many of their wacky, fun friends, and I felt lucky to feel part of their wide circle of friends from university, jobs, old neighbourhoods, etc.

Some of my fondest memories from the early 90s include riding around in Jon and Erika's car, listening to them genially bicker over which radio station to play, where to stop for lunch, which movie to see, whatever. They made me laugh with stories from their crazy lives, like the latest scoop from Erika's cooking school (she left the Post and became a chef) or something bizarre that their cats did. We saw many movies and ate a lot of good food together. They were fun to be 20-something with.

I served as a bridesmaid in their lovely, intimate wedding. Erika was more gorgeous than I've ever seen her; I'll always remember her dainty little Victorian-style shoes peeking out from under her strapless gown. Jon, usually so casual and downplaying his dash, looked unbelievably handsome. He was glowing the way people expect brides to -- he was over the moon to marry the girl he fell in love with as they worked part-time together in a bagel shop those many years before.

Then, when Pedro and I tied the knot in Florida, Erika and Jon didn't let Hurricane Erin stop them from flying down so Erika could join me as a bridesmaid. They didn't know a lot of our friends, as most of our socialising with them centered around their own friends due to Pedro traveling so much. But they dove right in and by the end of the wild reception, Erika and Jon were kicking up their heels with folks they'd never met until that night.

That's how they both are: Bold, unique, open-minded, warm-hearted, generous of spirit. Some people might have felt intimidated when facing Jon's impressive height or equally impressive intellect, but quickly he would manage to make people feel comfortable. He was easy to be yourself around. He didn't put on airs and he never expected other people to do so. His profound affection for and devotion to Erika were so real and so unflinching.

To make a long story short, they moved to New York where Erika started working as a chef and, as far as I can recall, Jon was working from home doing something with computers. Looking back now, I think I got that wrong. Erika's hours were so odd as a chef that usually when I called to say hi, Jon would answer because Erika was out working or in, sleeping after a long shift. Anyone who knows me at all knows I suck at staying in touch once people or I move away. Erika and I spoke in early 2001, when I told her we were moving to Bangkok, but then we lost touch with each other. I've made a few homeleave trips with the kids during which I planned to find her and say hi, but then I've always forgotten during the blizzard of catching up with immediate family spread through five states. Erika couldn't find me either when she tried a few years ago, because before this blog a search for me would yield nothing but my name mentioned in a Cavalier Daily alumni newsletter.

9/11 happened just after we moved here. People asked me, did you know anyone? Lose anyone? I thought hard about who might have been down there. Erika -- no, her restaurant wasn't down there, and besides, she sleeps late after working late the night before. Jon -- no, he worked from home (I thought), and why would he be down there at that time of day? I tried to call a couple times but couldn't get through because lines or whatever they use now in this high-tech age were jammed. Then somehow five years passed.

This summer, I Googled Erika to see what she's doing now, and to try to get current contact info for her. The first item that popped up showed Erika winning an award in a salad competition. Good news! Then the next item...was a memorial page for people who died on 9/11, and listed Erika as Jon's surviving spouse.

The floor fell away and something nasty rose in my throat.

The site mentioned that Jon had started working in the WTC just one week before the disaster. One week. (Today I met a woman whose son lost a friend there, who had started working as a chef at Windows on the World only three weeks before. What if, what if...rings through one's mind.)

Frantically I searched the web for an email address to find Erika. We are back in touch. I forgot to mention earlier that this amazing, pint-sized woman whom Jon loved unreservedly is also a poet. She does yoga. She still loves cats. She is surviving. She is everything that made her Jon's hero.

I still can't believe that I'm writing this. This can't be real.

Rest in peace, Jon Grabowksi, you inimitably eccentric, brilliant, witty, loyal chap.

Comments

[J]

Quite an interesting website. I wish I had found out about it before today, as it's no longer taking volunteers. Perhaps next year.

Writing this is a great thing, BEM. Hopefully someone in his family will come across it somehow, some day.

[tess]

what a beautifully written piece, bem. it is tough to write about someone that the world hasn't known, that you haven't known, and to try and do them justice. to capture what was good about the gone, because none of us will ever know mr gomez.

thank you so much for signing up to write this beautiful remembrance. mr gomez or his family were not familiar to me, and now they are filed away, never to be forgotten in my 9/11 heroes and heartache stories.

thank you. and for the call. more on that later.
xo

[Karmyn R]

I didn't personally lose anyone that horrible day 5 years ago - but after being a part of this 2996 tribute, I feel as though I lost so many friends. Thank you for a heartfelt tribute to both people!!!

[Wasana]

Lovely site and article. We did not lose any friend in 9/11 but did in the london bombings last year. Our thoughts are with everyone.